“The person with the plan most often carries the day…”—Phillip McGraw, Ph.D.

There are those magical times when, in the words of The A-Team member Hannibal Smith, “a plan comes together.” You have an idea, you develop a strategy, you execute your plan and voila!—it all works!

And then there are the other times—the times when, no matter how carefully thought out and followed your plan was, what you wanted to happen doesn’t. Or some unexpected event throws a monkey wrench into the works.

While it’s tempting to throw in the towel and give up, this is when you need to implement your Plan B. But before you can do that, you have to create one.

Choose a goal you are working toward and look at the steps you are taking to achieve success. Now, imagine that one of those “steps” develops a crack—something goes wrong and you can’t use it to reach the next one. What will you do? How will you work around that setback?

Developing a Plan B is a creative exercise. Even if you never need it, the practice you get from exploring options can keep your “alternate thinking” muscle limber and ready for action.

(Need more life tips? E-mail me at nancy@communityofchange.com to sign up for my monthly Change-A-Gram!)

"Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed." Irene Peter

You can change your haircolor, your job or even your home address but that doesn’t necessarily mean that your life will change. It will be different—no doubt about it—but will it be better?

Changing the external without changing the internal won’t create the kind of relationship, income or life that you want. You need to move from the inside out, figuring out what you need to improve or remove, increase or eliminate to effect a genuine improvement.

If you find that your unhappiness, discontent or anger stays at the same level even when your surroundings alter, then perhaps the problem isn’t what’s around you but what’s in you.

When you find yourself saying, “Why do these things always happen to me?” or “Why do I keep attracting these types of people?” you need to look inside for the answers.

• What choices are you making that keep you in the same place?
  
  
• What prejudices do you bring along with you as you travel through life?
  
  
• What role does your own refusal to address your weaknesses play in your unhappiness with your life?

Make a change for the better today in how you think, feel and behave. Improve your internal landscape. I guarantee that the view will look better from the inside looking out!

“Everything in your life either moves you closer or farther away from where you want to be. Nothing is neutral.” Larry Winget

Life is all about choices—big choices, little choices, choices that make an immediate difference and choices whose impact may not be felt until days or weeks later.

And every choice is an action. Even if you choose to do nothing, it still affects where you are in relation to your goal.

If your goal is to get healthy, become more financially stable or just be a nicer person, everything you do (or don’t do) will determine if you will succeed or fail. At an ethical level, each time you stand up for your beliefs (or stay seated out of fear of repercussions), you shift one step closer to (or farther from) the person you want to become.

As for you procrastinators out there (and you know who are!), saying you are “planning to make a decision” “or "thinking about what step to take” doesn’t get you anywhere. It’s like trying to go forward when your car is stuck in the mud. You’re just spinning your wheels.

Every act matters. Every thought, word and deed have an impact—on the world at large and, even more critically, on who you are and what you want to achieve.

Where are you on your personal continuum—closer to your goal or farther away? What can you do today—right now—to shift your place on that scale?

“We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance.” Harrison Ford

One of the chapters in my new book will explore “second chances”—those times when we can make a new start.

Sometimes our goal is one that we had previously established but, for whatever reason, we had not yet attained. A chance conversation with a stranger or a glance at old New Year’s resolutions and suddenly, our determination is renewed and we are back on track and moving forward.

But sometimes, the new start includes a new goal. Something happens—the industry we are in shuts its doors, the health we counted on suddenly takes a turn for the worse, the relationship that we believed would last forever doesn’t. We learn that our old plans are no longer feasible and our old goal is no longer an option. Instead we must find a new path to pursue.

That’s the wonderful thing about second (and third and fourth) chances: we have another shot at getting it right or of picking a new target to aim for. But to succeed—or, for that matter, to even get started—we need to let go of what was and focus on what is. Holding onto the past keeps us there, making it impossible to move through the present to our newly-defined future.

What about you—have you experienced a big change that has led to a second chance? Post your story here. (Send me an e-mail with your contact information if you’d like your story considered for my book.)

“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” Nelson Mandela

A few years ago, I had the opportunity to visit the house where I was raised. The current owner had put it up for sale and I couldn't resist the "open house" sign.

There was a certain pleasure in walking into the bedroom where I used to curl up with a good book or sitting in the dinette where I would break house rules by sneaking my dog Princess upstairs for the crusts from my morning toast.

I kept expecting to run into myself as a child, but of course, that little girl existed now only in my memory. And recalling how timid and quiet I used to be (at least, according to what my mother always said!), it is hard to believe that I became the person who would speak before a crowd of total strangers or interview well-known people on a regular basis.

Too often we allow the identity we had as a child to remain the only identity we acknowledge. We forget that every life experience--happy or sad, desired or painful--changes us in ways that we may not even recognize. If we are fortunate, we are stronger and wiser, more compassionate and generous than we were so many decades ago.

Treasure the memory of who you once were. But don't allow that to stop you from becoming the person you can be.

“Always remember that the future comes one day at a time." Dean Acheson

Some of us hold back from change, metaphorically dragging our feet to slow down the process even when the change is something we desire.

And then there are those who rush into it: dive into the pool without checking the depth, jump off the cliff without verifying the strength of the bungee cord. Once they know what they want, they go after it without a second thought.

I freely admit that, in most instances, I fall into the latter category. Once I have made up my mind to do something, I go for it—whether it is as prosaic as tripling the size of my garden or major as agreeing to host a weekly radio show.

There are advantages to only looking forward, not the least of which is keeping your fears under control. As Satchel Paige said, “Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.”

Keeping your eyes firmly fixed on the horizon also removes the temptation to recall the past with a “rose-tinted” memory—remembering the good while conveniently forgetting the bad.

But your forward steps should be taken at a certain measured pace, allowing time to check the stability of your footing and ensure that the road you are traveling on is indeed the one you had previously mapped out.

And while it may seem that nothing is changing, rest assured that as long as you continue to travel in the direction you desire, change is occurring.

“I am in charge of my own life. I take responsibility for filling my life with what nourishes my health and happiness.”--Jan Veltman

“The buck stops here” was a sign President Harry Truman kept on his desk while In the Oval Office. It meant that he accepted the responsibility for making the final decision.
No sending it further “up the line.” No blaming the outcome on someone else.
But when it comes to our life choices—how we behave, how we treat others as well as ourselves—we have become geniuses at “passing the buck.”
When we act in a way that is less than admirable, how often have we said “But he/she made me so mad I just couldn’t help myself!”
When we ignore another’s needs in favor of our own wants, we often justify our actions by saying someone else will do it: put the money in the Salvation Army kettle, give up the bus seat for an elderly person, cast a ballot on election day.
As for assuming responsibility for those acts that hurt no one but ourselves, once again we look for someone—anyone!—to blame for our decision to abuse alcohol or drugs, to be unfaithful to our partner, to choose self-indulgence over self-care.
Tempting as it can be to “pass the buck,” doing so calls to mind another famous quote, this one from the cartoon character Pogo: “We have met the enemy and he is us.”
Each day, we have two choices: be our own worst adversary or be our greatest ally.
It’s all about making choices and accepting the responsibility for the outcome of those choices. If we are willing to do this, we will act in a more nurturing, loving and respectful way—to ourselves and to the people in our lives.